The Differences Between the Sexes

By: Andrea Edwards

            For centuries women have long suspected major differences between men and women, when it came to love and sex.  Ask just about any woman in the world if this is true, and you’re more than likely to get the same response.  Today, we have new scientific data to support and shed some insight as to why these differences exist. 

            According to a report about love, sex and the male brain, featured on CNN.com, there are major differences that would serve to keep us worlds apart despite our overall similarities.  For starters, one of the key differences in the male brain is the dorsal premammillary nucleus. This is the area considered to be the “defend your turf” region, which is larger in the male brain and equipped with special features, such as circuits which help men to detect territorial challenges by other males.

            However, when it comes to the region responsible for empathy (mirror-neuron system), women have a larger and more active share of that pie.  For women it means that getting in sync with others’ emotions comes a lot more naturally.  It gives women an advantage of interpreting facial expressions, interpreting tone of voice as well as other nonverbal emotional cue says the article. 

            But perhaps one of the biggest differences between the sexes is that the area of the brain responsible for sexual pursuit.  This region found to be 2.5 times larger in the male brain, than in women.  Attempting to explain that “glazed-eye look” that men get when looking at a woman’s breast, the article goes on to simplify the data by using a comparison between beer and testosterone.  In so doing they state, “If testosterone were beer, a 9-year-old boy would be getting the equivalent of a cup a day.  But a 15-year-old would be getting the equivalent of nearly two gallons a day,” making it virtually impossible for men not to be consumed with the female body parts.  So now that we know the reasons for our differences, let’s just move on and accept the things we cannot change.    

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Has PDA Gone too Far?

By: Andrea Edwards

            When it comes to PDA (Public Display of Attention), just about all of us are guilty to some degree or another, of perhaps displaying some form of intimacy in public’s view.  Compared to many other countries, most Americans are able to tolerate it in tasteful doses.  But what is tasteful to some may be considered down-right lewd and disgusting to others.

            While it is true that most people appear to exercise good judgment, others have an unwavering knack for elevating such displays to a nauseating level.  In an article posted on AskMen.com, the writer stresses the importance of learning the rules of PDA.  It also provides readers with a list of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors of  PDA’s that includes such signs of affections as, hand-holding, kissing, declaration of love, ass smacks—which when compared to a pass article in the New Yorker is, well…child’s-play at best.

            According to that article, PDA in New York takes on a whole different face like—Public Sex.  The article featured quotes from some of the city’s most professional people i.e., a lawyer, a Wall Street project manager, and a book editor to name a few.  All of whom openly admitted to having sex in public places like in the office, on the steps of the criminal court building.  One young man age 29, name Greg, recalls giving the cabbie a big tip for being cool about him having sex in the back of the cab. 

            Greg later goes on tell a story of a summer night in Tompkins Square Park, where he and his friends noticed a woman hugging a tree while being orally pleasured for approximately 30 minutes.  By Greg’s account the couple never flinched once, not even when a passerby hopped the fence to get a closer look.  I don’t know about you, but I’d rather view an ass smack any day, than to be a witness to what Greg and his buddies saw that obviously hot summer night.     

Are you Compatible with Your Mate?

Take the compatibility test below

By: Andrea Edwards

            Sure we’ve all heard the old saying, that opposites attract, but how important is compatibility in a relationship? Must two people be compatible in order to have a shot at long-lasting happiness?  Furthermore, are there area of compatibility that are more important to the survival and development of a romantic relationship? Well, according to Michael Myerscough—well known relationship coach, relationship compatibility is the most important component to the survival of a relationship, though not sexy.

            To further explain the importance of compatibility Myerscough emphasizes that compatibility is “the key principle that determines whether your relationship will be a lifetime of love and laughter or a destructive disaster.”  He further goes on to say, that the majority of people that ends up in marriage or relationship counseling do so in the hopes of mending something that was never a fit to begin with.

            Moreover, he states that while physical chemistry is important, being each other’s best friend speaks more to the longevity of the relationship.  If for example, one partner values routine and the other values adventure, trying to reach a compromise can prevent the other in fulfilling his or her value.  When people are prevented from doing the things they love most in life, what normally follows are resentment and anger, which Myerscough states, has led to a 52 percent divorce rate.

            However, he cautions, it is unrealistic to expect to find a partner that’s 100 percent compatible.  Instead, he says, one should look for a mate who highly compatible in the areas that matters most to you.  To see if you and your partner are compatible, you can follow this link to his compatibility quiz found on the relationship gym’s website.                

Surviving the Breakup

By: Andrea Edwards

            Dealing with a divorce, separation or loss of a significant relationship can be a dark and challenging time in anyone’s life.  Even if it was your choice to call it quits, the process of disconnecting from the happy ending you once visualized you would have, can be a slow and painful one.  Of course, your first instinct might be to sink into bed and to wallow in regret, over the time and emotion you’ve invested into something that will never come to fruition.  It hurts badly, and you’re filled with so much uncertainty about your future, that you can hardly pull yourself together to do much of anything.

            However, as important as it is to identify with what you’re feeling, it’s just as important that take steps to move forward—no matter how uncertain you may be feeling.  The truth is that no relationship ever comes together in vein, and if you look deeply enough, you’ll discover a wealth of lessons which even, that relationship provided you with.  Yes, your ex may have been a son of a _ _ _ _ _! But it will do you no good to concentrate on that now, instead, focus more on you and on your own issues.  Issues like what may have lead you to gravitate toward a son of a _ _ _ _ _, in the first place.

            The important point is that all of life is a lesson, granted some more painful than others.  However, those are the ones from which offers us our greatest opportunity for self-growth and development.  It’s never really as simple as pointing fingers at what someone else has done.  Rather, recognize that it took two to tango, accept your role and forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time.  Set about healing past and current wounds and never be afraid to forgive yourself or anyone else.

            But if for now that process seem to be a little more than you can bare at this time, set it aside and concentrate on just coping through day to day life.  The Mental Health of America organization has a website that provide a lot of insight and steps to help you understand, cope and implement various plans of action that can help you navigate your way through the darkness.

The Other Four Letter Word

By: Andrea Edwards

            What’s behind that four letter word we throw around so frequently? Now before you get ahead of yourself, the four letter word that I’m referring to is love.  We hear it thrown around in movies all the time, and many of us whisper that sweet word on quite a regular basis.  But what does it really mean when you look at a significant other and utter the words I love you?  Are we saying it simply because it sounds good? Or perhaps because we ourselves want desperately to feel, and be a part of something we believe makes us complete?

            On a spiritual note, love is the “purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another.” However, that’s not what we normally see in today’s society.  Often times, the love we’re accustom to seeing emphasize an emotional exchange that is not sacrificial by any means—but one which requires an exchange of action in order to maintain committed to.  We’ve become a society of addicts; dependent upon the feelings associated with love, rather than the actions necessary to maintain and grow a lasting union. 

            It’s not to say that those feelings we experience when we’re in love, is a bad thing.  What I’m saying is that a high like that can never be maintained—day-in and day-out.  It takes consistent action, selflessness, and commitment to keep the fire burning long after the initial euphoria of love subsides.  Love is a powerful force, which we all need and when applied correctly, love has the ability to transform and complete us; based upon our own actions, not someone else’s action.          

Friends are Forever

By: Andrea Edwards

            I’ve known for a long time that friends are a rare and special gift, but recently that understanding was made even clearer, when I reconnected with a long lost friend who I hadn’t seen in about thirty years.  Although we connected a few times about twenty years ago, we somehow managed to lose touch until of course; we were once again reunited with the help of Facebook.

Yes, I’ve made a lot of connections with people I’ve known over the years through with the help of Facebook, but not everyone shared a connection so deep that you can consider them to be a friend.  So, what made this reunion so different from all the others? Rhoda, that’s my friend—and I shared a sister-like bond, forged by an intimate understanding of our triumphs and successes.  We’ve helped to console each other through some of life’s most difficult challenges and have laughed hard at the many humorous moments that life presented us with.

Needless-to-say, we spent a great deal of time catching one another up to speed with all the happenings that had occurred in our lives, but the conversation flowed so effortlessly, as if no time of separation had ever existed.  This was indeed a rare gift—one that could only happen with people we’ve truly connected with—people, we call our friends.