A Time to   Heal

By: Andrea Edwards

I’ve recently discovered that when it comes to love—I am at best, a big coward; a scared little 13 year old girl, masquerading in the body of an adult woman. Though I’ve recognized my impulsive need to self-protect by creating a wall so high, that no man could possibly scale, it was a man name David, who opened my eyes to the little 13 year old girl who desperately needed tending to.  Until we begin the healing process from the point of where we may have suffered trauma or pain he says, we will at that level of development until we can consciously address the issue from that starting point. 

Again, no new revelations—I had long since made the connection between my childhood experiences and the barriers that I have grown so accustomed to having over the years.  However, by itself, that knowledge had done nothing to change my behavior, nearly 16 years after making the connection.  Instead, it was David’s word that helped me to understand that when it came to love, my level of maturity was still that of a 13 year old girl—hurt, disappointed and filled with issues of abandonment from a father who was for most of my life, unavailable emotionally and physically.

Is it any wonder that I always gravitated toward men who were both physically and emotionally unavailable as well, or that I run like a scared little girl whenever I start to feel too much—in fear that hurt will surely come?  Of course not!  Surely I’m not the only one with this issue; however I now have new insight as to where to begin the journey of getting off my circular path, and am looking forward to overcoming my fear of abandonment.